Time for some emotions 

Am I strange for scheduling time for when to feel things? 

I was on phone earlier in the week with friend in Chicago. We were catching up, since we haven’t seen each other in about two weeks, and I was telling him about how     I felt sad, but was not going to actually “be sad” until later. 

To me that is something completely normal, I’ve learned over the last few years to postpone my sadness, or excitement. I thought everyone did this to some degree, and I never really thought about it until my very good friend told me I’m a weirdo for doing that. But why be sad about something that is unavoidable when you’re happy and unaffected in the moment. It’s not that I don’t care or don’t feel sad, but in the very least I should be able to have control over when theses thing affect me. Maybe that’s my way of coping, not feeling it all at once and letting things process. 

My favorite movie of all times is Gone with the Wind. For those of you who haven’t seen it, the main character Scarlet O’Hara, a southern belle during the civil war over come several life crisis one after another. Through the movie and book (which I read in its entirety) she tells herself, “I think of that tomorrow”. She pushed back her sadness for another day, I believe that I’m like her in that way.  Whether this is the best way to deal with things, I don’t know. There are days where I absolutely cannot help but to be in a bad mood, but there are also days where I’m so high on happiness. 

The only emotion that is hard for me to control is anger. I don’t like being angry, but  it’s the most difficult emotion for me to control, and that angers me! Haha, well we’ll see how far I get on controlling my anger. But the real question I have is whether I really have this agency with feeling or if it’s just a delusion.  Please comment your opinion, I would like to know what you think about this! 

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